


Extra: What Have I Done

by mochibutworse



Series: one day series (English) [2]
Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, M/M, a mess, a try on angest, as usual, idk what I did, idk what the fuck to tag it as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 19:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochibutworse/pseuds/mochibutworse
Summary: Basically how Redhead and He Tian got together.Warning: Angst present





	Extra: What Have I Done

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [番外：红毛篇](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873956) by [mochibutworse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochibutworse/pseuds/mochibutworse). 



> Ps: This is only something that will happen so much in the future in my head. Something like canon-compliant but partial, since I have no idea what will actually happen. But this is… I just wanted some angst after reading a beautiful and yet devastating DaiSuga fic. I started off with Mandarin and continued it throughout the span of god knows how many months but yeah here’s an update.

 

Mo Guan Shan was awakened by the shimmering lights that shone through his curtains. The dusk was beautiful and gentle, but frustration filled him up the brim. Ruffling his hair, he rolled out of his bed and reached for the phone. “No messages… Huh…” Frowning and clicking his tongue, Mo Guan Shan flung his phone across the room, landing in the laundry basket. This was the third day He Tian stopped replying to his texts, and he was losing the patience.

After washing up, Mo Guan Shan put on his most comfortable attire and left the house with He Tian’s leather jacket. Catching a bus, he took the seat at the last row and sat by the window. Taking out his phone and clicking into WeChat, Mo Guan Shan went to the conversation with He Tian where he re-read it for the 67 th time as he tried figuring what was in He Tian’s head when he sent those texts.

He Tian : Like I said, Redhead

He Tian : Come on over and cook for me

He Tian : I’m fucking famished

Red    : seriously

Red    : how long are u gonna keep this up?

He Tian : ???

Red    : seeing Zhan Zheng Xi and Jian Yi being together makes u feel like getting someone to warm yr bed?

Red    : like… dude

Red    : i knew that u were p dry

Red    : but do u rly need to use me like this?

Red    : go find a random lady to feed your needs!

Red    : yr the INFAMOUS HE TIAN

Red    : r u sayin that there isn’t any lady who’d crawl up your bed?

Red    : what are u even kidding

He Tian :

He Tian : So are you done yapping?

Red    : not done

Red    : bt am alrd tired

He Tian : Fine then

He Tian : Since being with me is such a chore

He Tian : I return you your freedom.

“Yeah right. Return me my freedom. Utter bullshit!” Mo Guan Shan could only grit out those words with spite in his voice at the sight of their conversation. He looked out from the bus and stared blankly at the sceneries that were constantly changing. They were colourful in contrast to the monochromatic silence within Mo Guan Shan. It was a deadly silence that was unbearably heavy, so disgusting that it made his stomach turned, a loneliness that made him mad.

The bus reached his destination in the midst of his conflicts, but Mo Guan Shan couldn’t move himself out of it. The bus was at the stop for less than a minute, and it continued its route. The red head could only stare out of the bus, letting his thoughts wander as he held his phone a little too tight within his grip.

The whole ride on the bus took about one hour. Within this hour, Mo Guan Shan thought a lot, and spaced out a lot. He wondered if it was spacing out or dissociation, but he didn’t press on the subject. The blankness in his eyes were slowly replaced by some emotion that was far more complicated and complex, indescribable to any.

“We have reached the final stop. All passengers are to alight from the bus. Thank you.”

Mo Guan Shan remained in his seat, not knowing if it was intentional or unintentional. The driver played the announcement a couple more times and could not hold it in anymore. “Boy! For fuck’s sake are you deaf?!” Mo Guan Shan jolted at the sudden loud voice and looked towards the driver. “Thank god you’re not deaf! Hey I need to head to other places so can you get down from the bus?”

“Ah… The bus stopped.” Mo Guan Shan looked at the crowds from the bus and stood up, ignoring whatever that was rolling in his eyes.

Getting down from the bus, Mo Guan Shan looked around his surrounding, realizing that he was at an unfamiliar place. Those who passed him turned to glance at him a second time, and that was when he realized that he was crying. He felt his lips twitched up into a smile at that thought, but the smile soon crumbled and he staggered to find a spot that had less people. Sitting with his arms covering his head, Mo Guan Shan let out all the tears that was welled up within him, torturing him for days.

A girl with short brunette hair stuffed a packet of tissues into his hand and left immediately, not letting Mo Guan Shan any chance to be embarrassed. Looking at the tissues in his hands, tears started flowing again and the noisy atmosphere was not doing him any good. Mo Guan Shan thought a little and decided that it would probably be better if he returned home to lick his own wounds, although he would have a hard time providing his mother an acceptable explanation.

The Uber he called arrived in a couple of minutes. As the Uber driver’s internet was faulty, Mo Guan Shan had to direct him to his place with the shortest route. It took all the boy’s concentration to figure out the traffic and possible congestion, and he did not have any chance to throw himself into another mood drop. Maybe, the twenty minutes in the car was the most peaceful twenty minutes he ever had in these few days.

It took one trembling hand on his door handle for Mo Guan Shan to realize that he was no longer the same him he thought he was. He couldn’t find the courage to even turn the door knob, not to mention to step into his own house, the house that he had lived in for years. He tried taking deep breaths, hoping that it could relax his tensed nerves, but it did not happen.

Mo Guan Shan hated how incompetent he was. Letting out the gruff he was holding within himself, he turned and left the building. “Fuck, Mo Guan Shan, since when have you been so fucking pathetic?!” Laughing and scorning at himself, he walked out from the main door and wiped the salt water that was once again falling out from his eyes.

Mo Guan Shan had some sense knocked into him the moment he knocked into someone. So much for not paying attention when he walked. “Shit… I’m sorry…” The red head apologized, head down as he walked around the guy he crashed against earlier. However, the guy grabbed his hand, not letting him go. Mo Guan Shan was never one to back down from a challenge, not even when he was at his weakest. With his patience rubbed off from him, the red head looked up and found his words lost at the tip of his tongue.

“Y-you…” Mo Guan Shan stammered at the sight of He Tian. Standing in front of him was a He Tian he did not recognize. He Tian had a foxy smirk all the time, even when he was angry. But this time? He was scowling and his eyes were dark. The red head knew that it was best to not agitate the taller guy further. He Tian pulled Mo Guan Shan down the stairways and pushed him into his car. Mo Guan Shan had his head down the whole time, not willing to look at He Tian’s face that was the exact definition of rage. He Tian was also losing his patience and forced the red head he was finding to look at him.

Mo Guan Shan was never this broken. He looked at He Tian with helpless eyes, feeling hollow and hopeless. The tears that were still streaming down his eyes were nothing compared to the fear he had in his heart. He Tian was slightly taken aback by this, as it was the first time the red head was looking at him like this. It was as though Mo Guan Shan was pleading, begging him to  _ let him go _ .

He Tian was mean, but he was not cruel. Not to his friends, never to the red head he cared for. Releasing the grip on his crush’s chin, he slid his hand behind Mo Guan Shan’s neck and pushed him closer so that their lips met. The grip and the kiss were feathery light, as He Tian would like to let Mo Guan Shan to make his pick:  _ to stay _ or  _ to leave _ .

To be honest, he never expected Mo Guan Shan’s hands to fist in his shirt, or pulled him closer. The tears didn’t stop, and Mo Guan Shan was kissing him as though it was the last. The two kissed, as though they were trying to let the other know about their fear and insecurity, as though they were running away from reality as they drowned in the presence of each other. They broke off the kiss for a while to catch a couple of breaths, but at the sight of each other, they pressed their lips together again, wanting the moment to never end.

Being the first to break away, He Tian took Mo Guan Shan’s hands in his. “We need to talk.” Knowing that he had the red head’s attention, He Tian continued, “My family background isn’t ordinary. Anything that goes against the norm in the household will be cast out in any cruel way possible. Once, my brother buried a stray puppy I brought home under my father’s order when it was deemed  _ ‘unnecessary’ _ .”

Seeing Mo Guan Shan’s eyes bulging out, He Tian gave a sad chuckle. “Yeah… I kept messing with you because you’re fun. I’d still mess with you even with me liking you so much, but this isn’t the point. The point is that my family may use you, and the people you care to threaten me. I should leave you for your safety, but I can’t. I  _ need _ you.”

“Then don’t let go of me.” With that said, Mo Guan Shan approached those slightly swollen lips. He Tian used his remaining rationale to push Mo Guan Shan aside. This wasn’t something to be taken lightly as it involves his mother and his friends. “Redhead, are you sure? If we got together, you would no longer have the chance to leave. Your mom, Zhan Zheng Xi and others may get into trouble. Could you actually see that and understand what I’m talking about?”

“You’d protect us, won’t you?” Mo Guan Shan whispered in a raspy tone, rubbing his eyes a little.

“I will do whatever I can, but my ability is restrained and I won’t be able to look after you guys all the time!”

“Then I’ll protect myself.”

“It doesn’t work like – “

“He Tian!” Mo Guan Shan exploded. “All I fucking know is that I’ve been living like a fucking walking dead with you in my head all the fucking time and if you’re not gonna kiss me then imma take my fucking leave!” The red head then turned to unlock the car doors, but was pulled into He Tian’s embrace, where the black haired boy kissed his now boyfriend senseless with all the passion he had within him.

“What’s said is said. I’m not allowing you to take back your words, Mo Guan Shan”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I HATE MYSELF BUT DO LEAVE COMMENTS AND OPINIONS AND I DID NOT BETA OR SHIT SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANKS


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